Everything Feels Backwards (So I Baked Instead) ☕🍪

Today started with exhaustion and somehow turned into a full kitchen marathon. 😮‍💨

I’m tired of dating — tired of the backwards math of it all. We want the ones who don’t want us, don’t want the ones who do, and end up sitting with the quiet question of when is it my turn? 🤍

After a lifetime of feeling unloved or loved wrong, it’s hard not to wonder if there’s a bridge between what we want and who wants us — or maybe an even deeper one between what we want and what we actually need. Mixed signals don’t help, and neither does being tired enough to feel everything at once. 🫠

So naturally, I went to the kitchen. 🍳

I spent most of the day there, with a two-hour nap in the middle 🛌, moving from a fruit-water yeast startup 🫙🍎 to completely unhinged dough experiments. The Monical’s-inspired pepperollies somehow came out a solid 10/10 🥖🔥, which felt like a small miracle.

Two attempts at seitan, however, failed spectacularly once I realized I used all-purpose white flour instead of wheat flour. 😪🤣

Win some. Lose some.

All in all, it’s been a half-and-half kind of day — half productive ⚖️, half emotionally drained 🫥, fully exhausted.

Right now, instead of cuddling up to someone, I’m sitting here with a tray of peanut butter blossoms for comfort. 🍪🥲

It’s funny.

It’s sad.

And it’s very on brand.

Today wasn’t about answers or breakthroughs. It was about cooking, failing, laughing at myself, resting, and letting the kitchen hold what I didn’t have the energy to process. ☕🏠

Love still feels backwards.

Dating still feels like a riddle with missing pieces 🧩.

And I’m still tired.

But the pepperollies were fire 🔥, the cookies showed up for me 🍪, and the kitchen carried the weight when I couldn’t. 🤍

This post isn’t hopeful or hopeless.

It’s just honest.

And that’s enough for now. ☕✨